Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
