apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
