farters have to be the big spoon...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Come see our sink grown plant.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize