I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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