you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
