im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
