He asked to "fluff my boner.."
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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