I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
