so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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