Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
