when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
