hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize