one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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