they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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