I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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