I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
