The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
