70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We need to get me chipped asap
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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