Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
