At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize