yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
