He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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