I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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