Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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