The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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