Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
