If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
