elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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