kristin has been a bad kristin
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
