i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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