if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
