Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
