do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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