I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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