That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
