I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
