my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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