you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
