I wanna passion pit in your ass
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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