i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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