I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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