This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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