I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
