Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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