what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This baby is an asshole
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
