even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
