He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
