I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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