All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
