His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
