the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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