true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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