glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
