I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
