The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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