What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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