when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
