can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
