Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
