Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
