I cut my penus on the lid.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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