I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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