I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
