Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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