you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
