Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
