The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Every concussion has its silver lining
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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