Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
