You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
