I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
