Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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